My Kid is a Zen Buddhist

If you don’t think meditation is important, then why is my kid doing it before bed?

He is just about to turn three.

Did I teach him this? No.

Did daycare teach him this? They said they don’t meditate in class.

He had to have picked it up from somewhere. It wasn’t me.

I meditate lying down in my bed or at the end of a yoga class, which he doesn’t see me do.

So wait, what happened?

Any parent knows the importance of the bedtime ritual. If you don’t, your kids will remind you. At least mine do.

Here’s our nighttime ritual (mediation is not included, btw).

Kids take a bath or a shower. They try to put their own PJs on until it becomes frustrating and they need help. (As an educator, I am a believer in productive struggle. As a mother, I am tired at the end of the night and forget all the principles I learned in my master’s program).

Then, they jump around wildly on the bed as both parents try to shoosh them back into the bathroom to brush their teeth. Again, the productive struggle philosophy. Except, they just kind of sit with the toothbrush in their mouth, so my husband and I take turns properly brushing our children’s teeth in between cries and screams.

I heard my kid’s dentist say, “Tears are good. Usually, it means your mouth opens wider.”

After the trauma of getting a clean mouth, we have story time on the king sized bed and then give piggybacks to the potty, say good night to the fish and then tuck in the kids.

Everyone takes a big breath naturally as the house quiets down.

But lately, it hasn’t.

My 3-year-old has been getting out of his crib just after my husband and I settle in our bed sheets to read our interesting books. (I know. We are that couple.)

I remember the night it happened.

I heard him get out of bed. But instead of getting angry and sternly putting him back to sleep, I just listened to his movements to see if I truly needed to intervene or if he was going to get a stuffy. The kid must have his specific stuffed animals to sleep well.

I heard him get out but didn’t hear him get back into his bed. I didn’t hear him do anything.

So, I got out of bed to investigate.

In the hallway, sitting up against the wall, my 3-year-old son was sitting with his legs in a diamond shape, his toes touching, hands pressed together at his heart, and his eyes closed.

Is he meditating?

He soon realized I was there and opened his eyes. We stared at each other for a brief moment. My son is meditating.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to interrupt this if he genuinely was having a mindful moment, but I also didn’t want him to avoid going to bed.

Is it too late in the evening to take 2 minutes to sit in intentional stillness?

I know that meditation is good for your nervous system. I know that it helps you become the observer of your own thoughts. I know you can have a transcendental experience as you tap into the universal energetic realm. I know that meditation is good for you. I have read studies and experienced this myself.

How does he?

This was a crucial parent moment. Was I going to be the authority that said No. Bedtime. Go. or was I going to nurture this moment as a wellness insight for my son?

I chose to sit down and be still with him.

I didn’t say anything. I just joined him.

He smiled and sat in my lap. He put his hands back at his chest. I put mine on top of his. Then, we took several deep breaths together until I could see he was starting to wiggle.

Softly, I said, one more deep breath, and he said ok.

We breathed, and then he got up and started climbing back into bed.

What was that?

Dismissing this as a silly thing that happened one time in a random occurrence, I was surprised to see him do the same thing again the next day.

So, I sat with him, hands over heart center, and we just listened to our breath.

This time, however, my 5-year-old got out of bed and asked, “are you meditating? I want to do it too.”

So the three of us sat on the floor in the hallway and were still.

So, is this a thing?

The next night, we did our routine: little tantrums between PJs and teeth brushing. My 3-year-old wandered off somewhere just before storytime.

Half jokingly, I said, “Where’s he run off to? Meditating in the hall again?”

My 5-year-old laughed. “If he is, I want to do it too!”

But he wasn’t in the hallway.

He was searching for a toy dinosaur.

It seems things might go back to ‘normal.’

This was a few days ago, and I still wonder what this means.

Perhaps he did pick it up somewhere.

When his brother has big emotions, he sees me work with him on taking a few deep breaths before verbally expressing his anger. This is a strategy I learned to get through anxious moments when I used to crave a drink.

I don’t know, maybe Coco Melon has a meditation song.

But I am seeing more and more evidence that my youngest son knows the importance of taking a quiet moment to enjoy just being. He does things like pulling his chair to the pot of flowers so he can sit, sniff, and stare at them for a while, and he leaves it there for next time.

Does he still throw massive tantrums when he is told no or when he can’t communicate what he needs? Heck yes! And it is very taxing on my own emotions.

But I have wondered, are children more closely connected to source energy because they have less distance from it? I mean, he is only almost 3-years-old. I am nearly 40. I have had a lot of life noise that blocks the connection. Or maybe it’s what happens in life that is the message?

And what does this mean for American toddlers? Am I raising a generation of children who are in tune with their mind, body and spirit? That would be uber cool!

And now alcohol-free, I wonder if I would have even let this happen while under the influence of my sacred ‘mommy’s wine-time.’ Would I have missed this precious moment?

Answers I will never truly know, but one thing is for sure. I am super thankful that I am present for this moment with my toddler, the Zen Buddhist. Just about a year ago, I would have been lying in bed, exhausted from the glasses of wine I had while disconnecting from life by binge-watching TV. My husband would have tucked the kids in bed, and I would have missed it.

Now that’s a twist on fear of missing out. Something that has prevented me from quitting drinking is something I am currently using to stay sober. I don’t want to miss out on living in the moment — especially with my kids.

Now what?

What’s the lesson here? There are many.

Will we continue to sit in silence in our hallway? I am not sure, but this is such an interesting event in my parenting life that I don’t want to forget.

Has your kid done anything like this before? I would love to know! DM on socials or write to me pmacinsights@gmail.com

CLICK HERE TO TAKE FREE QUIZ

Magic Words to Get Through An Alcohol-Free Kid’s Birthday

You get out the box of party decorations, check out Pinterest for some cute birthday snack ideas, and order the cake.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Now it’s time to plan for you and your guests.

Croissant sandwiches, light salad, and mimosas.

But wait. You don’t drink anymore.

Do you still serve the mimosas?

Birthday Parties of the Past

I was faced with this decision 2 and a half months into my sobriety for my son’s 5th birthday.

In years past, going to any event was an opportunity to have a drink. Glass of champagne, blood mary, a hard stelzer at lunch– yes, even at kid’s birthday parties.

Having alcohol at celebrations isn’t the problem.

The problem is I can’t just have one despite my best intentions.

And I know I am not the only one.

Alcohol is a part of celebrations, but it rarely turns out good.

I have been to many birthday parties where as soon as the cake was cut the shots came out and parents cheered for another year of surviving their child’s life.

Again, not a huge deal.

But that one shot leads to someone having too much to drink and regretting it later.

I didn’t want to drink anymore, so is it something I’d like to serve at my house?

Seems like an easy decision. Don’t serve it, right?

But the thing is…

I hadn’t told anyone but my husband that I quit drinking.

Yes, of course, the support group I checked in with daily knew. They are a part of my journey as I am theirs. But I hadn’t told my friends, family, or everyone who was attending the birthday party.

Was this a good time to announce my sobriety?

I didn’t know at that point if I wanted to stay sober. I was taking this day by day as I am now, but I hadn’t decided yet that I liked the absence of alcohol in my life. That came around day 100.

So, to serve or not to serve?

I went back and forth in my mind on this question, probably for way too long.

I want to accommodate my guests.

I don’t want to draw attention to myself.

I am not ready to tell the world.

I should just get it off my chest.

Why hasn’t anyone already said something?

Maybe they don’t care.

Of course, they care.

I am being an idiot.

But I don’t want to be tempted.

This is my kid’s birthday party. Why is alcohol even a thing?

Because that’s what everyone is used to.

Will they even notice if I don’t serve?

What if they bring their own?

Oh man, I’ll have to announce my house is a dry house.

But it’s not. My husband still has beer in the fridge.

But I rarely see him drink.

Now I am anxious.

BREATHE.

This was all too much.

So, I bailed on tradition.

I booked an indoor party at the local pool. There. No alcohol aloud implied.

The Magic Mindset Shift

A weight lifted off my shoulders.

Now I can focus on the birthday boy.

Psshh.. Right.

Mom, you are still the organizer, the decorator, the shopper, the planner. (Granted, my husband is the best at helping) but you are busy getting things set up while your kid spins around in circles with joy that today is his special day.

The day of can be cray cray.

Just before guests arrived, I looked in the mirror.

My hair was frayed, and I didn’t have any makeup on. I looked sloppy.

I was disappointed in myself for not having it all together.

But then, I said these words that changed how I approach every kid event, birthday, gymnastics lessons, and play dates alike.

This is about him. It’s not about you.

Jaw drop.

I know.

Your son’s birthday party isn’t about you getting drunk. It’s not about how you look or if you were able to pull off that Pinterest pin. Yes, you did the work. You made the plan, prepared it, and implemented. Yes, I know, without you, there would be no party.

You, the mother, should get a break, feel the need to relax, and enjoy another year around the sun with the being that changed your life forever. You are a part of his journey too.

You deserve a drink, right?

But if you feel the need to get trashed at your kid’s birthday party, you need more ‘me’ time because this day is ALL about him. It’s not about you.

Here is what I want you to walk away with from this story.

• If you are not ready to tell people about your sobriety, you don’t have to.

• Celebrating with alcohol can get out of hand, FAST. Do you want to be that person again?

• If you need to feel special, do something special for yourself, but not on your kid’s birthday. Again, this is about him. It’s not about you.

CLICK HERE WHEN YOU ARE READY TO GO DRY

Momma, Are You Wondering What You Are Doing With Your Life?

You’re approaching 40, momma.

Your kids are still under the age of 10. Questions beget you such as where is my life going?

You look around at your surroundings.

There isn’t anything particularly wrong with your circumstances, yet, you feel it’s not quite right. Like you aren’t where you want to be. Like you are stuck in your own way, masking challenges and difficulties with glass in hand at the end of the day, sometimes during the middle of the day.

Taking a closer look, you wonder, is this how it’s going to be for years and years? Caring for kids, paying bills, hours spent in front of a TV, and cleaning bathrooms on weekends?

Always wondering what am I doing with my life?

You try to find what’s wrong, what’s causing your life stress. Is it your job? Lack thereof? Misunderstandings with your partner? With your friends? There has got to be a reason for your suffering, so you make more of it up by trying to figure out what’s wrong with me?

You contemplate over a drink, enhancing the distraction with tonight’s episode.

Your drink is the solution.

You believe wine is the anecdote to your misery.

You believe a beer will intensify what glimpse of good feelings you have.

You believe a shot solidifies bonds with your family and friends.

But it’s your drink that is clouding the attainability of the vision you hold in your life. You’ve become so distracted with the happenings all around you that you can’t see your vision clearly anymore.

You keep on autopilot, occasionally wondering what am I doing?

What’s wrong with me?
Is this all there is?

With the glass in hand, you allow the distractions to become the answers to the solution as you numb to the point of wanting to be left alone for more than just one day.

You Know It’s Time

You start yelling at your kids.

You get frustrated easily. Most things seem like the end of the world- another thing to problem solve.

You ruminate: Why is life so hard?
Why does this happen to me?
Why doesn’t anyone get me?

You become fearful: They are doing this to me- to us.
They have all the power, and I have none.

You have forgotten what you are

and don’t recognize who you’ve become.

Momma — it’s time to put down the drink.

Just for now.

Take a break.

Get some clarity.

Because you’ve lost sight of who you really are.

When you are ready, I am here to lend you a hand.

CLICK HERE TO GO DRY TODAY

Bitter Sweet Rap About Back-to-School

A Sober Mom Reflection

It’s that time of year again when parents all across America are feeling the tug of the pangs of having their kids around 24/7. It’s back-to-school time, and it’s bittersweet.

Don’t you love your kids?

Well, NO DUH!

Of course, I love my kids.
And I know you love yours.

We are moms and wear many, many hats.

We make sure there are snacks, the dogs get walked, the sheets are cleaned, there are enough activities on the calendar, and that there aren’t things on the calendar.

We make sure rooms are organized, houses look pretty, and our families feel love when they walk in the door.

At least that’s the Pinterest version of what goes on.

In reality, we are tired by the end of the summer and are secretly throwing an internal dance party about our kids going to school for 6 to 8 hours a day.

No shame.

I am dancing as I mentally rap my new get er done to-do list and schedule for the new routine ahead of me.

It goes something like this:

Gunna wake up.
It’s going to be a scramble, getting lunches prepared while combing hair.
But I am going to be ecstatic– and dancing– It’s that time of year we start prancing–off to school we go!

Then I’mma gunna take the dogs for a walk-

A walk, yes, all by myself- no more “I said stop! You are going too far” and “Hurry up! Leave the rollie polis alone!”

I am going to breathe the fresh air and move around, ecstatic, perhaps a clown! It’s that time of year we start prancing -off to school we go!

Listen… I love my kids.. I do I do..
And I know you do too.

No duh! You’re the world’s greatest mom!
But I have got to tell ya!

I am SO SO VERY EXCITED–
To infinity million gazillion times 10 to the power of 1
To work from home without the distractions of “Mom, I’m hungry!!” and me saying, “Be nice to your brother! Quit fighting! We can do that after I finish this one thing. Mommy needs 20 minutes!!! Go jump on the trampoline!!”

Here’s to you moms who work from home! It’s back to school time! Here we go!
Tackling our emails, making the final quarter plans.
We get to have 6–8 hours
Slaying the day — like a boss!

Oh wait — I am my own boss.
Shit ch-ya! I am a boss!
Like a boss
Boss
Boss.

Back to school be like
I am a boss
Boss
Boss.

Should I make that into an Instagram reel?

But in all seriousness

This morning happens to be the Monday before school starts. My heart panged as I looked at my almost 4-year-old watching Shawn the Sheep, having slept in until he was good and ready to get up.

I am going to miss these mornings that will be reserved only for Saturdays or Sundays, but not both, because it’s very likely that we will have someplace to be from now until the kids are out of school like a gazillion million infinity years from now.

It’s bittersweet, and I have to admit that I am having a bit of regret about the summer.

Can I get a re-do?

I would change some things, like, um — not try to squeeze in 20 minutes of work here and there and instead go to more splash pads and water parks.

But there are things I want to re-do because they were the best fun I’ve had in a very long time.

Watching the fireworks in our neighborhood was a blast! It was like all the streets in our little big city didn’t care about the rules, and aerials lit up our skies. One of our neighbors didn’t buy any fireworks because he knew from the year before how cool it was. However, he said this year was even better!

Camping on the Oregon Coast was so very refreshing! The cool ocean air felt like spring to our dry Idaho bones. It was the first time in for-e-v-er that we camped in a tent. And despite the early wake-up and late nights that only culdesac camping can afford, my family all got the best, deepest sleep we have had in a while. Plus, we met some awesome people we are happy to call friends.

Getting excited when I saw food growing in my first garden ever was definitely a highlight. The first ‘fruits’ of my labor tickled my soul as I realized good things happen over time, and the waiting, nurturing, and daily maintenance paid off as I freeze bags and bags of zucchini noodles. — that I would want to relive again.

And I would totally re-do the discoveries I had this summer about being alcohol-free and amping up my wellness. Being alcohol-free allows me to be more present, handle my emotions better, respond to situations easily, and be more level-headed, as I feel capable of tackling things as they come and still working towards achieving my dreams.

It’s not all frosting on the cake.

I still overreact with my kids when I am frustrated. I still have moments where self-doubt seems paralyzing. I still have old habits that keep me stuck in my life. But when I am alcohol-free, I can see it for what it is much quicker and use the tools to get out of it that much quicker as well.

But, I don’t get a re-do.

Summer has happened.

And next Monday, it’ll be over.

We will return to school and our ‘get busy’ routines with homework, chores, and strict bedtimes.

Luckily, I know that we have a long fall break soon to look forward to. And all I can do is take the lessons I learned from the Summer Break of 2023 and apply them to the next break– cherishing the moments we get to be more fluid with our schedules. And I won’t be putting so much pressure on my business, so I can really truly enjoy the sacred moments with my family as we intentionally disconnect from the world.

CLICK HERE TO TAKE FREE QUIZ